An ocean breeze tickles my skin and I breathe in the salty aroma that accompanies this fake-ocean’s gusts, but the peaceful scene fills me with dread. I have a sense that something is not right about all of this. My eyes widen as I watch the rapidly receding water retreat from where it had surrounded me just moments before. No tide goes out this fast… TSUNAMI!! Panic shoots adrenaline through me and instincts take over. I blindly pound my legs into the sand, propelling myself in from the shore and away from this soon to be death scene. Nothing will stop my course of desperation as I zoom at record speeds that would amaze my trainer. I fly over the sand, then through jagged rocks and thistle plants that tear and cut my feet, but I push past the pain and run even faster. I’m scanning the perimeter while a new mantra plays in my head – seek higher ground – I spin and look up for something to climb. I toss a length of rope over a tree branch and pull up with all my strength. My feet are bleeding and my arms feel like lead, but I pull with everything in my soul. I keep climbing higher and higher until I’m standing on the highest branch that will bear my weight. I tie myself to the trunk with a sturdy slip knot once, then again and again.
For the first time I turn and look back at the wall of blue death that thunders toward me. A horrific roaring sound comes with it and the swelling wave hurdles forward like a stampede of liquid lions devouring everything in their path. The wall of water overtakes me. I gasp in all the air I can hold and grip the tree like I am a part of it. Hysteria intrudes my thoughts and my brain freezes under swirling water. How long can I hold my breath? I feel myself giving in to the lions’ claws that try to tear me from my tree and my life. From somewhere inside me I become Anne the warrior and toss my victim persona to the storm. Hold on and hold your breath I tell myself. The storming waters challenge the strength of Warrior Anne and I am ready to say You Win. I am done with this. Just then I feel a rush of air across my face and I know the wave has past me.
The artists of this show-the Gamemakers- must be having fun painting this drama where instinct makes fate. The Capitol’s feast of punishment is now alive with the first creative torture. Suddenly, light appears and creates a mask of happiness on this misleading and deadly island, making anger flare inside of me at this game where the creators get to play against mere pieces of the set.
I really liked how you continued to refer to the tsunami as lions, it was a very creative choice. I really enjoyed reading this piece, there were a few comma splices:) but other than that it was a great post.
This was great. I loved how you incorporated your thoughts into the piece to make me think the way you were thinking, helping me even better feel the way you were feeling. I enjoyed this very much. However when you said, “I’m scanning the perimeter while a new mantra plays in my head – seek higher ground – I spin and look up for something to climb.” seems like it should be two separate sentences, as it is two separate thoughts. So maybe something like, “I’m scanning the perimeter while a new mantra plays in my head- seek higher ground. I spin and look up for something to climb.”
🙂
Overall, you did a very nice job! I especially liked all of the figurative language you used throughout the post. It was a good amount of it and I think that you used just enough to liven up your story. I especially like the sentence “A horrific roaring sound comes with it and the swelling wave hurdles forward like a stampede of liquid lions devouring everything in their path.” because it is an unusual comparison that was really good. There truly wasn’t anything negative that I could find in your passage. Maybe next time just try to incorporate your senses and some more description of your surroundings. Otherwise those little things (that I know you can easily fix and add in) nicely done!!!