My mentor, Calico Menivor places the familiar sleek disk into my open palms, and I place it securely into my jacket. The embossed medal’s squiggly letters peek out from its golden cloak and borrows itself deeper in my pocket as I move. Staring down at my medal, a smile plays at my lips thinking of the medal’s irony. My mentor suggested I wear this to show how my skill at knife throwing has always been excellent, so I agreed. To me my medal instead embodies a small act of defiance on my part even if I am the only one in on this bit of knowledge.
When I won this medal, my surrounding vision had faded into the background and determination took the wheel of my full powered driving machine. Knives whizzed by my ears faster than the speed of light as I let my mind wander. The goal of the knife-throwing competition was to hit as many training dummies as possible. Staring at the faceless bodies struck a chord deep inside of me as my uncle’s tears fell down the dull brown plainly stitched cover of the fake body. Eyeing the fingers that wrapped around my knife rise up to my ear, I saw him limply fall and leave five scarred children to fight to the death.
Imagining my uncle who was unjustly killed in the Hunger Games gave me a sense of purpose, the machine inside of me started hammering away knives that in my mind would somehow rescue all the lost souls who died like puppets in the hands of the Capitol. The boy who had once fallen suddenly planted his feet on the ground, came over to me, and stood next to me. The faster and harder I threw, the more support came rushing through me and the less of this broken world I belonged to was clear. Knives whizzed by my head and pierced nothing; they refused to kill but instead insisted on relieving the pained. As loud bursts sprang forth from suddenly clear impassioned mouths, the beautiful paradise faded and took the figure of my small gold reward. With this medal in my pocket, the thoughts of friends with upturned lips and family with dry eyes and warm hugs come flooding back; hopefully that paradise will come back too as I enter the cruel arena.
I really enjoyed how descriptive your piece was. I really connected with the meaning of the token. However I feel like there could have had a stronger attention getter and actually state what the sleek disk was. for example was it a pin or a coin or something like that. Overall I feel like this piece was well written and thought out!
I like how started off with the bit about your mentor, it was something new. When you actually told about how you got the medal I was confused that whole paragraph. This part….”Staring at the faceless bodies struck a chord deep inside of me as my uncle’s tears fell down the dull brown plainly stitched cover of the fake body. Eyeing the fingers that wrapped around my knife rise up to my ear, I saw him limply fall and leave five scarred children to fight to the death.”….. I had to read a couple of times. Try to write more clearly to get your point across.
I thought that your writing was a very descriptive piece and I really connected to what you had to say. But at first you didnt catch my attention on the first sentence. It took a few more sentences for me to really get into the reading and wonder what will happen next. But, other than making a stronger attention getter i thought that you did a fantastic job! keep up the good work!